Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
