and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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