3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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