Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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