How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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