I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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