I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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