Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
