nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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