just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
