Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
