I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
tell me about the fingering
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