I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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