dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
