My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
