i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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