matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize