just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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