I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
