White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
