At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The power of my boobs compel you
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
