I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
