I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
