She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize