i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
