My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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