so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
