his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
