ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize
