Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize