Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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