So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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