i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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