walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
