Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
