you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
