I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
