I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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