I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize