____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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