I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
