I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
