Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
