i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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