I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
