My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There's always time for handjobs
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
