I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
