My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Small penises have feelings too.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
