Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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