I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize