no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
