Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
