how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
