I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
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