i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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