Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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