what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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