please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
