why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You pole danced in your parka.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The power of my boobs compel you
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
