There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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