1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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