I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
