i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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