last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
